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Miss Adventure - The Pearl Necklace

By Miss Adventure
Boston Phoenix | November 17, 2005
Dear Miss Adventure;

My girlfriend’s birthday is coming up so I asked my guy friends what I should get her for the special day. One of them said, “A pearl necklace!” and they all started laughing. What is a pearl necklace and will my girlfriend like it?

- Michael, Worcester, MA

Dear Michael:

Oooh la la! Michael, are we really ready for the “jewelry anniversary” of the relationship? Has it been that long? This is a wonderful way to test your relationship; you shouldn’t buy her a ring if she won’t accept your necklace. But one needs to be careful! It would be a shame if you hit your lover in the eye whilst trying to fasten the clasp. If you follow Miss Adventure’s advice, your baby will be begging for return trips to the jewelry counter of love.

How Pearls Are Made

Remember when Mommy said that when a little speck of dirt found its way into an oyster, it would turn into a lovely pearl? Well, the sexual technique known as the “pearl necklace” is not unlike that bedtime story. Think of the penis as the speck of dirt. (Although, I hope you don’t need a microscope to find your own member!) If your partner is a woman, she should cup her breasts from the outside and push them together. You then insert your Mr. Happy in between her breasts, (the oyster) and move your shaft back and forth in a rhythmic fashion until ejaculation. When the sea of sperm arrives, it should drip down around her clavicles in a necklace-like fashion, (the pearl!)

If You Don’t Like Shellfish

Let’s suppose breasts don’t even enter the equation. You could try to squeeze some sexy pectoral muscles together to create a “boob effect,” but if it’s just not possible, then straddle that hunk of man meat and give yourself a hand. Position yourself on your sweetie’s chest, close to his neck, and stroke the twinkie ‘til the filling drips out.

Pearling With Caution and Grace

When giving a loved one a pearl necklace, it’s important to watch your aim. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment, but no one likes spunk in his or her eye. And there’s nothing quite like the sensation of cum up your nose. Keep in mind that when someone is on the giving end of the pearl necklace, it is his responsibility to clean up the gift. Don’t wait around for the recipient to pick up the wrapping paper and bows!

Hope this helps!

Lustfully yours,

Miss Adventure
Tags: advice columns

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