Body Language

Sometimes someone's body language can speak louder than their words, or lack there of. If your sweetheart is seated across from you with his or her arms crossed, brow furrowed, and not speaking to you – he or she is obviously pissed. If the guy at the gym goes from waving hello to embracing you every time he sees you, he’s most likely hot for your bod. Still, the situation may arise when you completely misread a person and create a socially awkward situation. How strongly can you rely on body language? Tom and Christine fidget, twirl their hair, and stroke their beard as they discuss body language.

HOW ACCURATE CAN YOU READ BODY LANGUAGE?

TOM_ I’m really good at that stuff. Maybe it comes from being raised in a family of five sisters, but I've learned to interpret a women's mood before approaching her. Women are always laughing or crying about something, so it's easy enough to determine a chick’s mood.

TRANSLATION: Contrary to my belief, not all females of the world are severely manic-depressive.

CHRISTINE_ I’m not terrific when it comes to reading other people. I have a bad habit of thinking my partner is having a hard day when, in fact, he’s perfectly fine. He just happens to be a little quiet.

TRANSLATION: After I needle him for a few hours with questions about his emotional state, his childhood experiences, and his relationship with his mom, he usually ends up in a bad mood, if he wasn’t before. Call me Ms. Freud.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A PARTNER WHO WAS TOTALLY READABLE OR COMPLETELY UNREADABLE?

TOM_ Sure. I refer to her as the “Crazy One.” She was completely readable due to the fact that she was always angry. She’d get frustrated over the slightest thing and punch the nearest wall. One time, she even threw a ceramic mug at my head. That relationship didn’t last very long.

TRANSLATION: That’s what I get for dating a former pro-wrestler on steroids.

CHRISTINE_ I dated a man who was a complete stoic. Nothing I could say or do would elicit a response from him. I tried giving him gifts and affection, but he never smiled. Then, when I got angry with him and yelled, he’d never even flinch.

TRANSLATION: When the floor nurse heard me yelling, she informed me of his catatonic condition. But his medical afflictions will not heal my wounded heart.

DO PARTNERS OFTEN TRY TO READ YOUR BODY LANGUAGE?

TOM_ I once dated a girl who thought she was completely in touch with my emotions. Wasn’t she surprised when she found out that I don’t have any emotions! I’m like a rock, baby -- a big slab of unfeeling granite.

TRANSLATION: Never mind the man you’ll find crying into his pillow at night like a little girl, that’s not me. It’s my evil twin, Dom, whose sole purpose is to fool the world into thinking that I’m a sensitive metrosexual.

CHRISTINE_ I really dislike it when people assume they know how I’m feeling. I find it to be rude and arrogant when they pretend to know me better than I know myself. If I’m experiencing an emotion, they should wait and let me explain myself when I’m ready.

TRANSLATION:

I'm not very good at explaining myself. I will avoid conflict at any cost, and will instead stamp around pouting for a few days. I wont answer the phone and I might forget to bathe, but a good man will realize that I’m simply an emotionally intense artist and do not require heavy sedation and psychiatric evaluation.