AltWeeklies Wire » Culture » Recreation

Maritime Messiah

By J. Caleb Mozzocco
Columbus Alive | February 24, 2005
Jesus, star of the New Testament and founder of Christianity, has always been open to a variety of widely differing interpretations. We’ve got the Baby Jesus of the Christmas season, the Black Jesus of ceramic figurines sold by street vendors and the Hippy Jesus of Jesus Christ Superstar and Godspell, to name a few.

But no one seems to have as radical an interpretation as A. Joseph Rheaume, whose site Piratejesus.com chronicles the seafaring, hook-handed Messiah’s attempts to battle all the other Jesi (Rheaume’s plural form of “Jesus”) to become the one true Jesus.

At the beginning of the recently wrapped-up web comic, Pirate Jesus and his crew have already defeated Clown Jesus, Pimp Jesus, Cowboy Jesus and Buddha, who was mistaken for Fat Jesus. The bulk of the story is a battle with the formidable Robot Jesus, but ever-wackier Jesi like Caveman Jesus and Vampire Jesus show up in short order. The story is utterly random, with the Jesi and their cohorts exhibiting weakness to kryptonite, aquatic telepathy and other superpowers gleaned from an episode of Superfriends. Rheaume’s little touches—like Cowboy Jesus’ Star of David-shaped sheriff’s badge—make it well worth all the mouse clicks it takes to read. Too bad he’s totally going to Pirate Hell after this.
Tags: Jesus, A. Joseph Rheaume, New Testament, Pirate Jesus, Robot Jesus, Superfriends

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Founded in 1983, Alive is the Capital City's oldest and only independent alternative and is known for providing a forum for the area's free thinkers. The paper's spirited and original perspective on music, arts and culture distinguish it from the...
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