Band Names: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Courtesty Columbia Free Times
Forget about base closings and high gas prices. Forget about mortgage payments and cable bills. Instead, let your day-to-day worries subside and focus on something eternal: band names.
Whether you think about it or not (and unless you’re a music geek, you probably don’t), you’re surrounded by band names. And whether you’re part of the Beatles generation or the Nirvana generation, you’ve always been surrounded by band names. Band names are on the radio, the TV and the Internet. They’re in newspapers and magazines. They’re on T-shirts, bumper stickers and marquees.
Band names are such a ubiquitous part of the cultural landscape that you might even be numb to them by now: Sure, you hear the names, but you never give a second thought to what they mean or whether they’re good names. When you start paying attention, though, you’ll find plenty of food for thought – clever wordplay, social commentary, historical and cultural references, and, yes, plenty of boundless egotism and stupidity, too.
With this week’s cover story, we dive into the ocean of band names and ask you to take a swim, too. If you’re easily offended, we ask that you lighten up — rock ‘n’ roll used to be about rebellion, after all, and for some bands it still is.
By the way, don’t beat yourself up if you haven’t heard of a lot of these bands. This package is all about the names, not the music. Even if you haven’t heard of 70 percent of these bands, we guarantee that each and every one is (or was) real — with the obvious exception of an accompanying article on the art of making up band names for fictional bands.
One more thing: This is not a primer on the origins of band names. In some cases, we will tell you where the name came from. In other cases, we won’t. And that’s just as it should be: Band names have to work on multiple levels — for the casual observers who don’t care where the name came from, as well as for the crazed fans who care enough to research a band’s name.
This week’s package starts with a list of band names that we found “noteworthy,” which doesn’t mean the same thing as “good.” We lean toward the names we like, but we’ve also included some bad and ugly names, too. We also encourage you to respond with all the bands we left out (we know there are a lot). Is it frivolous to do a cover story about band names? Sure it is. But you just might find that thinking about band names can be oddly addictive, in which case you’ll be asking yourself what’s in a name for days. We’ve certainly been doing that around the office; now it’s time to spread our madness to you. — Dan Cook
The List
A Tribe Called Quest
America
Complain about “A Horse with No Name” all you want, but it takes some chutzpah to name your band “America.” Dan Cook
… And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead
Though the name is more indicative of their earlier sound, this remains, by far and away, one of the most badass names in rock. Who cares if it's a tad too long; people revere Charles Dickens, and he could spend pages describing a discarded banana peel. Kevin Langston
Angry Samoans
Allmusic.com reminds us that this band was “part of the first wave of Los Angeles punk.” All most of us really care about, though, is that the name conjures up a couple of tag-team wrestlers who dominated the sport in the 1970s. DC
Archers of Loaf
This might not even be a scatological reference, but the best interpretation I can come up with is perhaps it's a spin on the "shooting the s#!t" euphemism. Either way, it has a nice ring to it. KL
Armageddon Dildos
The images derived from this name are priceless, and I'm not that perverted a person. KL
Asia
See “America.” DC
Asleep at the Wheel
It’s a cliché, sure, but sometimes a cliché works. DC
Ass Ponys
At what point is a band name so bad that it becomes good? Somewhere in the vicinity of “Ass Ponys.” DC
Atari Teenage Riot
Atom & His Package
The Average White Band
You can imagine that a band of white guys from Scotland might face a credibility gap when they tried to play R&B. The Average White Band headed off the anticipated criticism with a sense of humor. DC
Bad Religion
The Band
The most succinct name ever might induce furrowed brows, but what else would you call yourself if you'd cut your teeth backing Bob Dylan during his controversial turn to rock? KL
Bedhead
Droning, sleep-inducing indie goodness from an aptly named band. DC
The Betty Ford Experience (local)
Black Sabbath
When you’re gods of metal, you need a name that gives voice to your unspeakable dark powers. With “Black Sabbath,” the bar was set so high that bands have been striving for 30 years to reach it. DC
Blind Melon
All I can say is that this band name really sucks. KL
Blue Öyster Cult
"Don't Fear the Reaper" and "Burning for You" are great songs, but can we not lay off the ether just long enough to think up a decent name? KL
Boogie Down Productions
The Boo Radleys
Boo Radley is the feared and ridiculed “other” in To Kill a Mockingbird. The band takes sides with life’s outcasts. DC
Bread
I, for one, don't like bands that name themselves after food, but to name your band after one of the most uninteresting items in the food pyramid is beyond me. Why not call yourself Radish or Carrot instead? KL
The Brian Jonestown Massacre
Combine Rolling Stones guitarist Brian Jones with the 1978 Jonestown Massacre, and this is what you get. (See also, “Guyana Punch Line.”) DC
Built to Spill
The Butthole Surfers
Lighten up, people – it’s just a band name. DC
The Byrds
What are we really gaining by changing the “i” to “y”? KL
Cabaret Voltaire
Sounds French, philosophical and kind of sexy in a geeky intellectual way. DC
Calexico
The name, like the music, combines California and Mexico. DC
Camper Van Beethoven
One of the most creative underground rock bands of the 1980s, the newly reunited Camper Van Beethoven is as clever with words as with music. They’re kind of campy, too. DC
Cannibal Corpse
Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine
I don't know who Carter is (maybe a reference to Jimmy?), but I applaud his use of a band name to promote his sexual prowess. KL
The Clash
The Clash was punk rock’s smartest ambassador when the genre still cared about injustice, with a name that reinforced its message. DC
The Coal Porters
Cole Porter … get it? DC
Concrete Blonde
Confederate Fagg (local)
Need we say more? DC
Crash Test Dummies
Cream
The name seems like an allusion to the saying "the cream always rises to the top," and it's hard to disagree with arguably the best trio in rock history. KL
The Creation
Creedence Clearwater Revival
The Crystal Methodists
Ounce for ounce, one of the best band names ever. DC
The Cunning Linguists (local)
Cunning, indeed. DC
Daft Punk
Dandy Warhols
Dead Can Dance
Dead Kennedys
Sure, it’s tasteless. But you’ll never forget it. DC
The Dead Kenny Gs
An ingenious spin that’s worthy of the original. DC
Devo
Died Pretty
Dire Straits
Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy
Dread Zeppelin
Doing reggae covers of Led Zeppelin, what else could you call yourself? DC
Dream Syndicate
Drowning, Not Waving
Echo & the Bunnymen
Eleventh Dream Day
Elvis Hitler
Trivia: What band on this list shares a member with Elvis Hitler? Oh, no need for suspense, since you could easily Google the answer in .25 seconds anyway. The band is His Name is Alive; the common member is Warren Defever. DC
Europe
See “America” and “Asia.” DC
Everything But the Girl
Believed to be taken from a store sign that claimed everything but the girl was for sale. KL
Fatboy Slim
The Flaming Lips
Flying Burrito Brothers
Love the band, hate the name. Maybe we can blame Keith Richards for this, too. KL
Foghat
Try saying this name without getting "Slow Ride" stuck in your head. That, alone, is reason to banish this one to hell. KL
Folk Implosion
Frankie Goes to Hollywood
Fugazi
Slang for "fake," here's a classic example of a band name that seemingly hijacks the word's previous connotation. KL
Game Theory
Leave it to a brainiac like Scott Miller to name his band after a branch of applied mathematics used in everything from economics and political science to biology and military strategy. DC
Gigantic Orange Question (local)
God is My Co-Pilot
Godspeed, You! Black Emperor
Grandmaster Flash
The Grateful Dead
The Guess Who
Guided By Voices
Mr. Pollard, you’re a genius. But we already knew that by listening to your band. DC
Guns N’ Roses
Guyana Punch Line (local)
Sick humor, indeed. If you don’t get the joke, think 1970s cults. Still don’t get it? Go look up “Jim Jones.” DC
Gwar
Haircut 100
I don’t know what it means, but it’s got a nice ring to it. DC
Hayseed Dixie
They do bluegrass versions of AC/DC songs. ‘Nuff said. DC
Heart
His Name is Alive
Though the name carries overtones of religious devotion, the reference is to Abraham Lincoln, not Jesus. DC
Hole
Knowing Courtney Love, I can only assume the reference is to the female genitalia. Throw her in a hole for all I care. DC
Hoobastank
Hootie & the Blowfish (local)
Engelbert Humperdinck
OK, not a band, but c'mon, it took balls for young Gerry Dorsey to usurp the name of a 19th-century Austrian operatic composer, let alone one with such a ridiculous sounding name. Tim Conklin
Hurt Reynolds (local)
Hüsker Dü
INXS
Iron Butterfly
Iron Maiden
Jackofficers
Jane’s Addiction
Japancakes
Jazz Butcher
The Jesus & Mary Chain
John Cougar Concentration Camp
Delightfully absurd, yet with a strong dash of sociopolitical awareness. Well done. DC
Joy Division
There’s nothing joyful about this band’s name or its music. Singer Ian Curtis hung himself in 1980, and the band is named after a World War II slang term that refers to concentration camp units where Nazi soldiers raped prisoners. DC
Kathleen Turner Overdrive
Kevorkian Death Cycle
Killing Joke
Kool & The Gang
Korn
Kraftwerk
Larb (local)
Named after a Thai dish, this experimental local band had a Theremin player. DC
Led Zeppelin
Huey Lewis & The News
Limp Bizkit
Love
Lunachicks
This name might seem sexist if it weren’t an all-female group. DC
Lush
Lush shoegazer rock played by lushes. DC
Magnetic Fields
Man is the Bastard
Man or Astro-Man?
Martian Death Lyric
Massive Attack
MC 900-Foot Jesus
Meat Beat Manifesto
Meat Loaf
Megadeth
Men at Work
Men Without Hats
Meshuggah
Minor Threat
Mission of Burma
Mogwai
The perfect name for a band whose music can turn from beguiling and hushed to a tidal wave of frenzied feedback and noise — just like Gizmo and his evil counterparts, The Gremlins. KL
Morphine
With the hypnotic resonance of Mark Sandman’s three-stringed bass setting the tone, this is yet another case of the name fitting the sound. Putting out an album called Cure for Painsimply sealed the deal. DC
Mother Love Bone
Let this name takes its rightful place in the dustbin of rock history. DC
Mötley Crüe
Without the umlauts, it’s just another band name. With them, there’s a faux sophistication that puts the name over the top. DC
Mott the Hoople
The Mr. T Experience
This band could never hope to be as important as The Jimi Hendrix Experience, but they can successfully lodge the image of an ‘80s TV icon into your brain. DC
Murder By Death
My Bloody Valentine
A nice twist on “My Funny Valentine” that brings to the forefront the knife-in-the-heart aspects of love. DC
My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult
Naked Raygun
What the hell is a “Naked Raygun,” anyway? DC
Napalm Death
Naughty By Nature
Ned’s Atomic Dustbin
Neutral Milk Hotel
With a different band making the music, this name could be horrendous. Neutral Milk Hotel’s wacky neo-psychedelia, however, makes it a perfect match. DC
New Fast Automatic Daffodils
A classic in the tradition of nonsensical band names. DC
New Model Army
Oliver Cromwell’s Puritan and parliamentarian New Model Army wreaked havoc on royalist forces in the mid-17th century. More than two centuries later, this band protested the status quo in a decidedly less hostile manner. DC
Nine Inch Nails
Nocturnal Emissions
Oingo Boingo
Look, The Cure don't sound like they're curing anything, and The Darkness aren't very dark. But Oingo Boingo sums up exactly what Oingo Boingo sounds like. Three cheers for onomatopoeia. TC
Ol’ Dirty Bastard
Born Russell Jones, Ol’ Dirty went on to call himself Big Baby Jesus and Dirt McGirt before passing away. KL
Olivia Tremor Control
See “Neutral Milk Hotel.” DC
Pansy Division
They’re not homophobes, they’re homophiles. DC
Pearl Jam
Smirk all you want, but the band says its name is not a euphemism for “love butter.” Other theories: Eddie Vedder’s great grandmother was named Pearl; Janis Joplin’s last record was called Pearl; and oysters create by turning unwanted waste into beautiful gems. Alas, we’re left scratching our heads before a downright silly moniker. KL
Pearls Before Swine
Phish
The name ph#!king sucks. KL
Pink Floyd
Formed by combining the first names of two blues musicians, Pink Anderson and Floyd Council. DC
Pop Will Eat Itself
Porno for Pyros
Presidents of the United States of America
Blissfully ridiculous in both length and grandiosity. DC
Primal Scream
Prince
Let’s not even talk about that symbol he used for a while. DC
Psychedelic Furs
Public Enemy
Pussy Galore
Before he blew up the blues, Jon Spencer was in this band — named after the James Bond girl in Goldfinger. Worthy of inclusion if only for the name of their 1989 album, Dial M for Motherfucker KL
? and the Mysterions
Quiet Riot
Radiohead
Here’s a rare case where the band’s body of work forgives its otherwise embarrassing name. KL
Rage Against the Machine
Marxists on a major label? Whatever. I still call ‘em “Owned by the Machine.” DC
Reagan Youth
These days, the late President Ronald Reagan is revered by all but the staunchest liberals. It wasn’t always that way, as the name of this 1980s punk band attests. In case you didn’t catch it, the reference is to Hitler Youth. DC
Reluctant Debutantes (local)
REO Speedealer
There’s a certain genius in creating a new name from the carcass of outdated rock icon. DC
The Righteous Brothers
When I was a kid, I just assumed that these guys were brothers and that their last name was Righteous. (Hey, it’s easier to buy than, say, Joe and Bob Chemical.) I was crushed when I learned otherwise. How cruelly deceptive. KL
Rites of Spring
Go ahead and name your band after the Igor Stravinsky piece that caused a riot in 1913 Paris, and we shall worship you with all our fervor. KL
Rocket from the Crypt
The Rolling Stones
Sepultura
A good example of the lengths metal bands will go to in order to evoke death. The name means “grave” in Portuguese. DC
7 Year Bitch
It's easy to fall flat when using a pun to name your band, but this one's got enough teeth and smarts to win me over. KL
The Sex Pistols
Yeah, it's old hat now, but at the time ... I mean, think about what a "sex pistol" is, then think about how that went over in Britain circa 1976. TC
Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet
It’s fun to say, and it sounds like the title of a really bad science fiction novel. DC
Skinny Puppy
The name would lead me to guess that we were dealing with a bad redneck rock band. Instead, we’re dealing with an industrial outfit. Go figure. KL
Slayer
Adolescent males need socially acceptable outlets to channel their aggression. Slayer provided that outlet. And no, listening to Slayer does not cause people to slay one another. DC
Sly & The Family Stone
Sly Stone could’ve simply called it “Sly & The Stone Family,” but inverting it made it exponentially and unquestionably cooler. KL
Smashing Pumpkins
Good god, is this the best you could do? DC
Smoking Popes
Sonic Youth
Southern Culture on the Skids
I never liked this band, but it’s a damn good name. Plus, their music is Southern culture on the skids — a warped deconstruction of rockabilly, country, boogie, blues and more. DC
Spacehog
A great underappreciated band with an unfortunate name. Regardless, “In the Meantime” is as close to rock perfection as any song I’ve heard. KL
Jon Spencer Blues Explosion
In case you miss his repeated name checking, John Spencer does, in fact, lead this band, and their music is, in fact, an explosion of the blues. I heard it called “blues on acid” before. I’ll buy that for a dollar. KL
Spinal Tap
Spiritualized
The combination of religious and drug imagery set against such celestial soundscapes renders this one of the most fitting band names I know. KL
Squarepusher
For a band that makes quote-unquote geeky music, I like that its name conjures images of some bully, or “square” pusher. KL
Stabbing Westward
I don’t know whether this band had Manifest Destiny in mind, but I’d like to think they’re trying to remind us of our nation’s violent westward expansion. DC
Sting
Dana Carvey joked that it was probably a hard sell to his friends, but it took sheer balls to change his name from Gordon Sumner to Sting. Bravo, buddy. KL
Stone Temple Pilots
Hands down one of the most stupefying band names of all time. Almost as stupefying as that “Dead and Bloated” song of theirs. KL
Straitjacket Fits
If the straitjacket fits … DC
Strawberry Alarm Clock
Suicidal Tendencies
Sunny Day Real Estate
T. Rex
Talking Heads
Temple of the Dog
I’ll avoid worshipping in this temple, thank you very much. DC
Tenacious D
The The
No explanation necessary. Tim Conklin
Them
Look no further than to the name of Van Morrison’s first band to understand that his gift was always with songwriting. Still, I admire the self-awareness involved in using such an ambiguous name for a ragtag R&B bar band. KL
They Might Be Giants
Named for an obscure 1971 comedic film in which a mentally deranged judge (played brilliantly by George C. Scott) thinks he's Sherlock Holmes. And the film got its name from Don Quixote's rationale for tilting at windmills. TC
13th Floor Elevators
This clever one plays up to our superstitious tendencies - I cannot recall ever stepping into a building that listed a 13th floor. You're just angry you didn't think of it first. KL
This Mortal Coil
“For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, when we have shuffled off this mortal coil.” Yes, even bands can quote Shakespeare. DC
Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments
A reminder that this great man wasn’t perfect — and that sometimes our country’s values do progress. DC
Toad the Wet Sprocket
Unless you’re a hardcore Monty Python fan — in which case you probably know the band shares its name with an obscure Flying Circus sketch — this is merely a bizarre moniker for an otherwise splendid group. KL
Trash Can Sinatras
Treadmill Trackstar (local)
Trotsky Icepick
Leon Trotsky was a rival of Stalin who was murdered by a Soviet agent in 1940 while living in exile in Mexico. The name of this mid-80s punk band serves as a reminder of how he died. DC
Ultimate Spinach
I am reminded of a recent conversation in which a friend exuberantly proclaimed that “cauliflower brings it,” meaning, in the parlance of our time, that the vegetable simply rocks. Not since Popeye has spinach benefited from such a glowing appraisal. KL
Unsane
Urge Overkill
At the height of the grunge movement, Urge Overkill said no to grunge’s anti-star ethos and instead released a bombastic arena-rock masterpiece, the ‘70s-influenced Saturation. The irony, of course, is that fully indulging their rock ‘n’ roll urges never made them more than marginally famous. DC
The Velvet Underground
Named after a 1963 book about “the underground American vice world” of “wife-swapping,” “discipline,” “sex clubs” and more, The Velvet Underground is a fitting name for a band with lyrics like “taste the whip, now bleed for me.” “Underground” also pairs well with the most influential underground rock band of all time. DC
Violent Femmes
Somehow “Violent Women” wouldn’t have had quite the same ring to it. As it turns out, though, “femmes” actually refers to Milwaukee slang for wimps, as opposed to the French word for women. DC
Was (Not Was)
This was the band of famed record producer Don Was (born Don Fagenson) before he was famous. The name works fine as is, but the mystique would’ve been that much stronger if there hadn’t been somebody named Was in the band. DC
Muddy Waters
We’ve Got a Fuzzbox & We’re Gonna Use It
Wham!
I love onomatopoeia as much as the next guy, but would it not have been more fitting to name this bubble-gum duo Poof? KL
When People Were Shorter and Lived Near the Water
A preposterously long name, yes, and perhaps a tip of the hat to all the anthropologists out there, too. DC
The Who
Sure the joke wears off quickly:
Subject A: "What's this we're listening to?"
Subject B: "The Who!"
Subject A: "Who?"
Subject B: "Exactly!"
Subject A: "We're listening to who?"
Subject B: "You got it! They're great, huh?"
Subject A: "Who?!"
Both: "Third base!"
But you’ve got to tip your hat to these mods for being so cheeky. KL
Widespread Panic
In a genre wrought with awful names, Widespread Panic rises above them all. I might not care for the music, but that's a damn good name. KL
XTC
You and What Army
ZuZu’s Petals
The reference point is It’s a Wonderful Life. And you thought the kids weren’t down with the classics. DC
Let us know what you think: Email editor@free-times.com.