AltWeeklies Wire
Blisternew
Is this the beginning or is it the end? Splashed up like a barnacled seashell on the vacant coast of Bar-BQ-Bar’s early-Wednesday-night liquor drip, a few – very few – thoughts come to mind.
Orlando Weekly |
Billy Manes |
09-05-2008 |
Comedy
Blisternew
It’s been three days of drippy inertia and descending barometric pressure and Roy and I, and just about anybody else presently craving Vitamin D, are all chewing away at our collective last nerve in hopes that Fay will go away.
Orlando Weekly |
Billy Manes |
09-04-2008 |
Comedy
Blisternew
Tonight, everything is in glossy shades of black and white, with only tasteful clots of red and glassy green peppered throughout to give the social illusion of healing or growing or anything, really, that can offset this fashionable, binary severity of being.
Orlando Weekly |
Billy Manes |
07-31-2008 |
Comedy
Tags: humor & satire
Blisternew
It wasn’t always this way. A hot-ticket night out used to be just that – a whirligig of wide-eyed spontaneity laced with the pixie dust of giggle fits and carefree crescendos – and it usually ended with something said, forgotten and buried facedown in the blackout pillow next to a broken-toothed smile.
Orlando Weekly |
Billy Manes |
06-26-2008 |
Comedy
Tags: humor & satire
Blisternew
I’ve often wondered out loud to myself while naked and submerged in the warmth of my bubbly decompression chamber, “Self, how many times does the shampoo mean when it says in somewhat uncertain terms, ‘Lather. Rinse. Repeat’?” Two times borders on half-yawned monotony. Six times starts to burn a little, while psychologically producing a mechanical sense of beauty slavery. But 17 times? That’s enough to make you old, make you lose your hair, quite possibly make you drip down the drain in a self-inflicted goo of bloody foam. Do. Not. Want.
Orlando Weekly |
Billy Manes |
06-12-2008 |
Comedy
Tags: humor & satire
Blisternew
Billy deals with aging, not so gracefully.
Orlando Weekly |
Billy Manes |
06-05-2008 |
Comedy
Tags: humor & satire
Blisternew
Billy braves a seedy bar to try and find humor in napkin art.
Orlando Weekly |
Billy Manes |
05-22-2008 |
Comedy
Tags: humor & satire
Blisternew
Billy Manes deals with drunks at noon and being ditched by his partner in crime.
Orlando Weekly |
Billy Manes |
05-08-2008 |
Comedy
Tags: humor & satire
Slick Fictionnew
This holiday season, it may well be time to stroke your indulgences and remember that you are indeed the only living thing that matters in this world.
Orlando Weekly |
Billy Manes |
11-15-2007 |
Comedy
Tags: humor & satire
Blisternew
What if a slightly less mucus-drenched take on Jabba the Hutt was never able to land his blimp-like personality square inside the Orlando consciousness to corporatize pedophilia?
Orlando Weekly |
Billy Manes |
06-22-2007 |
Comedy
Tags: humor & satire
Rush to Judgementnew
Steve Schneider sues all three components of Rush in this notice of civil action for decades of grevious personal injury and his loss of mental liberty.
Orlando Weekly |
Steve Schneider |
08-17-2006 |
Comedy
Tags: humor & satire
This is a Troll Callnew
Here are some transcripts from unexpected conversations with complete strangers.
Orlando Weekly |
Steve Schneider |
05-22-2006 |
Comedy
Tags: humor & satire
Incoming!new
The number of international graduate students enrolling in American universities appears to have rebounded slightly this fall following three years of decline.
Orlando Weekly |
Steve Schneider |
11-11-2005 |
Comedy
Tags: humor & satire
More Letters From Harriet Miersnew
Dear Macy's:
I recently purchased one of your high-quality microfiber sofas (model #4475-E) and I have to say that it is the best sofa EVER!
Orlando Weekly |
Steve Schneider |
10-21-2005 |
Comedy
Tags: humor & satire
Waving Your Rightsnew
U.S. Rep. Duncan Hunter recently brought meal plates to a televised press conference to show that Guantanamo Bay prisoners enjoy dinnertime amenities like orange-glazed and lemon chicken (each served with two types of fruit).
Orlando Weekly |
Steve Schneider |
07-14-2005 |
Comedy
Tags: humor & satire
