Politics:

Bush new world order
succeeds in electing a
Socialist in Spain

new study shows that
the earthquake in Athens was
fueled by steroids

ghost detainees at
Abu Ghraib are coming back
to haunt CIA

Democrats cheer when
Kerry discovers that
Ohio exists

Scalia defends
trip with Cheney; hey, they were
just ducking around

Chicago mayor
says he’d be fine if gays wed
in Winky City

report suggests that
GOP has better spies
than the CIA

White House says Dick Clarke
is using American
grandstand to sell book

Howard Dean quits so
he can run for president
of the Internet

Feds OK funds for
I-69 but some think
we’re royally screwed

some think the War on
Terror should be focused on
the War on Error

as fuel prices
rise the "S" in SUV
must stand for stupid

Boston closes more
churches to keep Kerry from
taking Communion

destruction of Bush
military records sure
sounds microfiche-y

there are concerns that
Kerry changes his mind and
Bush doesn’t have one

terror alert raised
to counter fears that Bush poll
numbers are falling

prisoner abuse
panel determines Rumsfeld
asleep at the rack

Bush’s ‘ownership
society’ will work great
for those who own stuff

Log Cabin Repubs
get out before Arnold can
call them girly-men

billionaire Soros
begins big buck battle to
be the biggest George

Bush election ad
featured CGI GIs
a band of faux bros

80,000 miles
in his enormous RV
my man gas guzzler

Reverend Falwell
forms a coalition of
men with double chins


Science:

to spur both science
and stability Bush wants
Earth to marry Mars

obesity now
battling cigarettes for
preferred way to die

EPA study
suggests that fish could be used
as thermometers

Bush acknowledges
global warming exists; now
hell can freeze over

Japan nuclear
plant explosion is termed an
act of Godzilla

data reveals that
blood pressure is going up —
and now so is mine

if you want a less
destructive hurricane then
don’t name it Ivan


Business:

Halliburton is
accused of exploiting the
Cheney of command

poor job growth stats will
improve when Bush has to hire
many spin-doctors

SEC to find
out why there are so many
holes in Krispy Kreme

study says blacks charged
more for Honda loans which is
not very civic

Boeing going mad
knowing Pentagon went with
Lockheed out of greed


Entertainment:

Garfunkel caught with
marijuana; where there’s smoke
there’s troubled water

Gibson agrees to
change title of his film to
"The Pulp of the Christ"

former CEO
of Enron, Lay, might make a
good one in prison

readership declines
for newspapers but I
guess you’re not reading this

Disney delivers
mighty marketing boost to
Michael Moore’s new film

Stern removed by Clear
Channel in clash ’tween bottoms
and the bottom line

there’s concern that one
of the Olsen twins isn’t
getting enough milk

Martha wants to be
imprisoned now to get time
on dearth row over

Madonna’s visit
to Israel has chewed up
this entire haiku

O’Reilly suit may
put his career into
Limbaugh, er, limbo

this is the only
Scott Peterson haiku that
you will see from me


Memorials:

actor and writer
Spalding Gray found dead swimming
to Cambodia

scientist Francis
Crick dead at the age of two
double helixes

death and dying guide
Elizabeth Kübler-Ross
reaches the sixth stage

French philosopher
Jacque Derrida exacts the
last deconstruction

Rodney Dangerfield
finally passes into
the Realm of Respect

"S" stands for stem cell
Christopher Reeve leaves us the
remains of his way