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Miss Adventure -- No Time for Nookie

By Miss Adventure
Boston Phoenix | November 17, 2005
Dear Miss Adventure;

I’m having an issue with fitting foreplay into my daily routine. My girlfriend and I are so busy and even though we live with each other and are completely attracted to each other, the sex is plain. My girl believes that if there was more teasing leading up to the sex, the actual act would be hotter. But how do you fit foreplay into a packed schedule? Please advise!

- No Time for Nookie

Dear No Time;

It’s true! With such busy lifestyles, people all over the world are running out of time for fabulous extended foreplay. There’s time for wham-bam-thank you-ma’am, but no time for touch-tease-take me, please! Miss Adventure is sympathetic to the ever-changing sexual needs of her readers and has planned out a foreplay itinerary for all those who are attempting to sample the goods before heading to the check out line.

CAFFEINATED COME-ON (8:20 AM)

You should only begin foreplay in the morning after both parties are properly brushed and filled with coffee. Take your baby out for a latte right before work and quietly discuss the previous night’s sexual escapades. Get her in the right frame of mind. Stroke her wrist or play footsies beneath the Starbuck’s table and make promises of repeat sexual performances.

LUNCH TIME LUST CALL (12:30 AM)

Call your heavy-petting partner during lunch for a little lusty whispering. Describe a certain part of his body and how much you enjoy tonguing it gently and then rubbing it roughly. (Just make certain it’s a part of the body that can be both rubbed and tongued!) Tell him he’s in for a lot of trouble when he gets home because he’s been a naughty busy baby.

AFTER WORK DRINK (5:30 PM)

Meet that special sex slave at a local bar for an early evening drinky-poo. Discuss your respective days and get all frustrations off your chests before you pull your shirts off your chests. If you unload emotionally before the sex, then you’ll be able to shoot a load more easily during the sex.

GO FOOD SHOPPING (6:30 PM)

That’s right! Today’s sexy people can’t simply center their lives around sex! There must be time to dedicate to errands as well. But grocery shopping doesn’t have to be a mood killing experience. Visit your local grocer and touch everything that reminds you of your bed buddy. Squeeze a melon, grope a loaf of bread, fondle some frozen meatballs. As long as you don’t destroy any products, no one can slap a warrant on your horny ass.

FINALLY (8:00 PM)

After this long day of being productive while thinking about all things reproductive, climb into your bed with that lucky love machine and hump until you see God! (Or whatever higher being you believe in.) Take your time, or rut like speed freaks. After around twelve hours of being the ultimate tease, nothing will feel better than getting drenched with passion. Then, once climax has been achieved, bust out your daily planners and find more fun ways to fit foreplay into your routine!
Tags: sex & reproductive issues

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