AltWeeklies Wire » Culture » Recreation

It's a Bird! It's a Plane! No, It's a Real Dick

By J. Caleb Mozzocco
Columbus Alive | July 21, 2005
Superman doesn’t do anything halfway. He’s not just strong, he’s super-strong. He’s not just fast, he’s super-fast. And when he’s a dick, he’s a super-dick. At least, that’s the case made by the website SuperDickery.com, which is designed to prove the thesis that, contrary to popular belief, “Superman is a dick.”

With more than 100 old comic book covers offered as evidence, it’s a pretty compelling argument. Mostly culled from Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen and Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane, the “Examples of Superdickery” gallery is loaded with images of Superman murdering Lois, sending Jimmy to jail, or sitting idly by while something horrible happens to someone (when he’s not the one doing the something horrible himself). Like the cover of Jimmy Olsen #30, on which Superman burns a freshly unwrapped bathrobe with his heat vision, announcing, “Jimmy, this gift you got me for Father’s Day makes me sorry I ever adopted you as my son. I’ll have to destroy it to teach you a lesson.”

Many of the covers are from long, long ago, when the cover image alone sold a comic book. Thus the covers would show Supes acting completely out of character to make kids think, “Why on earth would Superman deny all his friends water while they die of thirst in front of him?” and plop down their dime to find the answer. But taken all together and out of context, Superman sure does seem like a dick. And in the website’s galleries “Suffering Sappho” and “Seduction of the Innocent,” Wonder Woman sure does seem like a bondage freak and Batman and Robin like more than just Superfriends. It’s hours of fun at your favorite superheroes’ expense.
Tags: Superman, Batman, Jimmy Olsen, bondage, Lois Lane, Robin, SuperDickery.com, Wonder Woman

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Founded in 1983, Alive is the Capital City's oldest and only independent alternative and is known for providing a forum for the area's free thinkers. The paper's spirited and original perspective on music, arts and culture distinguish it from the...
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