Doc Shadows

Salt Lake City Weekly | August 25, 2006
Doc Shadows
MTV rocks, doctors shock and Arrested's re-cocked.

Thursday, Aug. 31 (NBC)

Season Finale: More like series finale. Apparently, viewers aren't buying into an impossibly pretty group of million-dollar lottery winners with myriad personal problems and most of their original teeth--even Trailer Park Girl is fashion-model hot. Buh-bye.

Who Wants to Be a Superhero?
Thursday, Aug. 31 (Sci-Fi)

Season Finale: Quite possibly the most ridiculous reality-competition show ever conceived--Big Brother excluded, of course. Once comic-book kingpin Stan Lee (via disembodied video--is he actually still alive or what?) eliminated series cheesecake Lumeria, it was beyond obvious that America's Next Top Tights-Bulge would have to be cheeseball Major Victory ... until he got the ax last week. Now it's down to Feedback (superpower: disrupting electricity fields) and Fat Momma (superpower: she's fat). WTF? Excelsior this, Stan.

2006 MTV Video Music Awards
Thursday, Aug. 31 (MTV)

Some of the best dance moves in a music video this year came from hot Columbian Shakira ("Hips Don't Lie," damn!) and lukewarm rockers OK Go ("Here It Goes Again," quadruple-treadmill damn!). Both will be performing at tonight's VMAs, along with Beyonce, Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera, Panic! At the Disco, The Killers, Ludacris & Pharrell, All-American Rejects and The Raconteurs--but will scheduled presenter Axl Rose (he was a rock star in the '90s, kids) show? And did MTV just settle for host Jack Black when they found out Kyle Gass was unavailable?

The Closer, Saved
Monday, Sept. 4 (TNT)

Season Finales: For a such huge cable hit, Kyra Sedgwick's The Closer is a stunningly standard-issue cop show, right down to the sub-Columbo cases, rumpled suits and bluesy soundtrack riffs--and yet she twangs and charms her way through it so effortlessly, who cares? She's Monk with better hair, and sometimes that's all you need on a Monday night. But Saved, TNT's weak-ass blend of Rescue Me and Grey's Anatomy (in Portland! Oregon!), just needs to go the hell away. Now. Do not resuscitate.

Arrested Development
Monday, Sept. 4 (G4)

Cable Rerun Premiere: Why yes, G4 is a network for video-gamers and tech-heads--it also has reruns of Star Trek (Shatner flava and Next Generation) and The Man Show (I have no idea why, either ... girls on trampolines?). There must be a reason why Arrested Development is spending its post-cancellation afterlife here instead of on, say, Comedy Central or Court TV, but all I can hear in my head right now is "The Final Countdown."

House, Standoff
Tuesday, Sept. 5 (Fox)

Season Premiere/Series Debut: At the end of last season, House was gunned down. Less amazing than his survival is the fact that it took two years for someone to take a shot at the bastard. Dr. Blue Eyes is fine, and now it's back to Puzzling Case of the Week: Would you believe, a woman paralyzed in a yoga class? Or Office Space's Ron Livingston as a hard-bitten hostage negotiator? He's the star of Fox's new Standoff, a great idea (stressed-out FBI negotiators in deadly situations--and relationships) executed with grit but little flair (Livingston's personality seems to have a case of the Mondays).

Tuesday, Sept. 5 (FX)

Season Premiere: So, where to go after the previous debauched season? If you're on the Parents Television Council, the answer would be "Hell!" For plastic-surgery meta-soap Nip/Tuck, outside threats (The Carver, common decency, etc.) have been replaced by The Enemies Within: Julia's baby is in jeopardy, Sean's freaking out, Christian's being spun by his psychiatrist (guest star Brooke Shields--take that, Tom Cruise!), and Matt ... well, he's Matt. All this, and Kathleen Turner as a phone-sex operator in need of a "voice-lift" for her deep, manly pipes. Get those form letters ready, PTC.


Arrested Development: Season 3
The Bluths' last stand couldn't even attract viewers with a guest arc from Charlize Theron (as a retarded Brit), an attorney named Bob Loblaw (with his own law blog) and the invention of the term "alrapist" (analyst + therapist) ... OK, never mind. Creatively, AD went out on top--just at the bottom of the ratings. (

Nip/Tuck: Season 3
Nip/Tuck's high-rated third season was so far over the top it couldn't even see the shark it was supposedly jumping--face transplants, transsexual vigilantes, even Anne Heche! The least of the season's problems, The Carver, was in fact revealed to not be Dr. 90210. Damn. (

South Park: Season 8
The 2004 season that took the piss out of Paris Hilton ("Stupid Spoiled Whore"), the disastrous presidential race ("Douche & Turd"), illegal immigration ("Goobacks") and that crazy-ass Mel Gibson ("The Passion of the Jew"). Trey & Matt: always ahead of their time. (

The Tick: Season 1
Finally! Guess the original '94-'96 animated series has been Spoon!-ing on Toon Disney long enough to recapture its cult following. Sure, the dim blue superhero seems kinda tame now in Adult Swim times, but a villain like The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight? Classic. (

More New DVD Releases (Aug. 29)
Baghdad ER, Desperate Housewives: Season 2, Ellen: Season 4, Epitafios: Season 1, Flavor of Love: Season 1, The Sentinel, Will & Grace: Season 5


The Pick of Destiny
The inevitable rise of the Greatest Band On Earth has been slowed time and again by the side-successes of Kyle Gass (Jack Black hasn't done badly for himself, either), but the cinematic apocalypse of Tenacious D is now upon us! Well, the trailer at least. Rock! (

Bill Frost

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